Bigg Elephant

The serial bully appears to lack insight into his or her behaviour and seems unaware of how others perceive it. There is also a possibility that, rather than being oblivious, the bully knows exactly what she is doing but is so audacious that she doesn’t expect to be challenged, and so behaves in a way that she knows is outside the moral and ethical constraints by which normal people are bound, e.g. openly denying that she said something, to the person she said it to the previous day.

Serial Bullying at work is unlikely to lead to an arrest or even disciplinary proceedings because their most common offences don’t involve physical violence or are shrouded in doubt: The serial bully can explain away just about anything, and frequently blames others and distracts attention from the real issues. Few would have the patience to investigate as incisively as necessary. Finding someone with the courage and integrity to investigate impartially is even harder. Any investigator, whether an internal employee or director, or an external investigator, may well fear of adverse consequences from upholding a complaint about a serial bully, the potential consequences being personal (e.g. damage to their own career prospects, not being paid etc.) and corporate (e.g. identifying evidence of actions for which the organisation is vicariously liable).

“The cold-heartedness and manipulativeness of the psychopath are reported to be the traits that are the least discernable to others and this allows them to gain other people’s confidence and facilitates their entry into positions where they can gain most benefit for themselves and do harm to others (Mahaffey and Marcus, 2006).”

Bullies instinctively deny any allegation made. Sometimes the denial is direct and robust, and sometimes it involves avoiding discussion of the matter that has been raised, never giving a straight answer, deliberately missing the point and creating distractions and diversions.

Denial is not the sole preserve of the serial bully. Wherever there is a serial bully, there will always be people around them who are prepared to deny the fact, either out of pure ignorance, desire for self-preservation or to gain political advantage. Bullies rely on this denial by others and the likelihood that any report of abuse will not be believed. Abuse cycles often last for years and frequently, targets don’t report it because they don’t think they will be believed. Sadly, they are often right. The Jekyll & Hyde nature, compulsive lying, and plausibility means that no-one can – or wants – to believe the target. Those who report that they are being bullied can expect to hear phrases such as:

• Are you sure this is really going on?;
• That isn’t possible!
• She isn’t a “bully”!;
• I find it hard to believe – are you sure you’re not imagining it?;
• It is obviously very real to you, but we all have different perceptions of reality;
• It is “just your perception”.
• I can find no evidence at all to corroborate your allegations.

Targets of workplace bullying are frequently not believed when they report a bullying colleague and there is always someone who will back up the bully’s denial when called to account. Of course, the fact that some do not, cannot or do not want to believe it does not mean it is not true.

No matter how powerful the evidence, no matter how well drafted the anti-bullying policy, employers which decide to deny the existence of bullying become entrenched and will not change their view. Grievance and appeal procedures are a completely inadequate means to have complaints dealt with if the employer is unwilling to accept that bullying is occurring. Not being believed is an injustice that many targets understandably find very difficult to accept. It can destroy their trust in their employer and be more stressful than the abuse they reported.

Also known as “counter-attack”. Denial is followed with firm criticism of the target, including counter-allegations based on distortion or fabrication. Lying, deception, duplicity, hypocrisy and blame are the hallmarks of this stage. Retaliation is an extension of straight denial, primarily meant to divert attention away from the bully and onto the target.

An alternative (or supplement) to accusing the target of misconduct is to allege that their job performance is below standard, and to implement a performance management procedure. The bully or someone acting on their behalf will operate the procedure so as to ensure there is a documented list of mistakes made by the target, where the target does not have a say in what is documented. Only the target’s mistakes are logged, and so while their performance might be equal to or better than their peers, that information is never considered by Human Resources, at the end of the process. Similarly, Human Resources do not get to hear about what the target has done right. Human Resorces are presented with a very negative overall picture of the target’s performance, and in mediation, questions are put to the target in such a way that whatever the target says means they are guilty as charged. There will be allegations that has a grain of truth in it.

The target feels the urge to defend themselves, typically with long and detailed explanations to prove the falsehood of the counter-allegation. All the attention goes onto the target and off the bully. Even if the target’s defence is successful, by the time they’ve finished, everyone else has forgotten the original issue.

The serial bully and cohorts may think that Denial and Retaliation are assertive, but they are not: They are acts of aggression. Assertiveness is the ability to express emotions and needs without violating others’ rights and without being aggressive. Aggression is behaviour aimed at causing harm or pain, whether psychological or physical. Aggression can be passive and indirect, and this form is typical for a serial bully in a situation where witnesses are present. Notably, throughout the bully’s passive-aggressive response to a question, the answer to the original question is conspicuous by its absence.